*GASP**CRAP**AHHHHHHHHHHHH*

Here is a fun game for all the people who read my blog.  I want your suggestions on how to pass the time between now and the day we get ‘the call’.  Tiger fights?

I also want your advice on how to not completely forget that I’m waiting for “the call”.  I’m sincerely worried that I will receive the call in the middle of a crazy work day, months from now and become completely perplexed by what the person on the other end of “the call” is telling me.  How am I supposed to stay “in the zone” of pending parenthood when I have no idea when the PENDING WILL END?!  I don’t pretend to know what pregnancy is like but I’m pretty sure it’s hard to lose sight of pending parenthood when you are carrying a large front load and waddle like it’s the cool thing to do.

Even before we were licensed I would casually forget about my parenthood plans and suddenly be reminded by something and/or someone and have that moment of *SHRIEK* “I forgot about that…*GASP* *CRAP* *AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*  (Yes.  that IS the best way I can put that feeling into words.)

Jason also pointed out that from now on we have to keep the house within a decent range of cleanliness.  PUKE.  Sometimes it’s nice to have a sticky floor; keeps you from slipping.  And I don’t know about how your house is organized but piles are my life.  How would I EVER find my pants in a drawer?  Impossible to say the least.  But you put those pants in a pile and I’m sure to find them.  I may not fit in them but I can find them and that’s 50% of putting your pants on.

So lay it on my blog friends.  Suggestions?

 

Oh S.N.A.P.

Last Thursday was our 2nd visit with the case worker.  It lasted a total of 25 minutes.  She is going to come back next week for our 3rd visit when we will sign our home study.  Then her supervisor will sign it and then it will be sent to Central Office (in Indianapolis) and our license will be issued.  So.  I’m guessing we will have a license in hand by mid-July?

But it doesn’t stop there.  After we receive the license our case worker has to present us to the S.N.A.P. program in order to be ‘on the list’ for adoption bound cases.  S.N.A.P. refers to the Indiana Special Needs Adoption Program.

From what our case worker says, from the time we are licensed to the time we are placed with a child/children, might be a while.  What’s ‘a while’ you ask?  Well, the adoption answer is: It’s hard to say……

Did you know that in Indiana (and in many other states and countries) ‘special needs’ refers to ANY child over the age of 2?  Did you know that in Indiana ‘special needs’ also refers to a sibling group of ANY age?  It is so hard to find homes for these kids that they are considered ‘special needs’.  Their age and/or their siblings make them harder to place and thus their case is special.  Is that hard for anyone else to read?

 

You help me, yes?

Ok parents.  I’m talking to all of you here.  How you decide if/when one of the parents would be a stay-at-home parent?  I know for some financial situations it wasn’t even a question but for those of you who have had the option of one parent staying home, even though it seemed like a scary financial stretch, how did you decide?

I guess my question is, how do I know when I am being financially responsible by continuing to work and when am I not trusting God?

When I look back at how my parents managed to afford my mom staying home, I’m literally in awe.  How did they do that?!  Were things like a new roof and brakes for your car not ‘things’ back then?  Oh and how in the world did we EVER go on vacation?!  I mean, it may have only been Kentucky but I feel like I can’t afford to go to Kentucky RIGHT NOW (that is in no way related to the fact that I don’t want to go to Kentucky right now).

If any of you has a magic financial calculator that tells me information like ‘everything will be all right’ or ‘you ridiculous fool, you are poor so keep working’ or ‘those pants make your thighs look huge’ I would really love to borrow it!  I am going back and forth between what is responsible and what isn’t.  If I knew what the next few years had to offer I could make a better decision.  Instead, I am setting pre-child goals for our finances and hoping that it’s enough when the time comes.

But really, I would love to hear some thoughts and advice on the subject and I promise not to roll my eyes if it’s something I disagree with.

Dear God,

Ok let’s talk.

We have waited a million years to change out Illinois car title into an Indiana car title.  Which we need in order to receive an Indiana registration and license plate.  Which we need in order to be Indiana foster parents/adoptive parents.  We should finally receive everything within the next 2 weeks and so in the meantime I scheduled our 2nd visit with our case worker.  June 5th is the date and you know what?  I was really thinking that by June 5th we’d be licensed.  Instead, probably not until the end of June at the very earliest.

Dear God,

You’re late.

Sincerely,
This horribly self-involved being you created.

i love couch.

One week down and one week closer to meeting you.

Some Saturday nights when Jason and I are out doing whatever we want, I really don’t want my life to change.  I have moments when the thought of some little stranger coming in between my husband and I on the couch seems exhaustive and rude.  I can be very territorial over the fact that he is MY husband and I don’t want to share that connection with anyone.  I rely on his attention and friendship and confidence so much how could I ever share that with someone else?

Not to mention my relationship with the couch.  The couch and I, we like to watch shows like Ellen, Conan, The Daily show and sometimes when I’m feeling particularly deprived of humanness…..The View.  We have not and do not care to try watching Jake and the Neverland-What Nots or Thomas and the Who’s-Its.  I don’t care if that blue train has friends.  They should stop talking to each other in monotone.  You know why? Because it’s creepy.

And in the car I like to listen to an occasional song about a bootie. And a particularly juicy one at that. I do NOT like songs about spiders….whether they be itsy or bitsy….I do not like songs about spiders.  But booties…..boooties will get you through a red light.  And who can get mad mad at other drivers when you’re listening to the Thong Song?  NO ONE. Can’t be done.

Further more, I do not want to squeeze food into my mouth or eat the cold discarded bits of chicken nuggets leftover by someone who got distracted by blowing bubbles with their drool.  Grow-up baby.

Did I mention I HATE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK!?  I HATE IT!  I also like to use the word hate sometimes to signify a strong disgusting taste of not liking something.  And I don’t really want to start referring to these all-encompassing feelings for playing hide and seek as something I ‘don’t care for’.  Because, you know what?  That’s not true, I actually HATE IT. And yes, it IS a strong word.

These are some of the things I think of from time to time when I think of how my life is about to change.  But somehow it never fails that when these moments come they quickly pass.  As much I want to fight it, I know that I will play hide and go seek and eat your disgusting leftovers and let you sit between dad and me on the couch while watching that creepy blue train talk about other trains its killed…..I mean….is friends with?   You see, it’s because I love you so much.  I’ve fought fear, doubt, judgment, and satan himself to find you.  I love you little stranger.  And if these last 2 years are any indication, I will fight for you for the rest of my life

We. Are. Awesome.

Why is it that nothing is every really real until it really is?  How is it possible that I could have spent the last 2.5 years thinking about the future only to get to the future and think “Wow…this is real.”?

I will never understand that phenomenon.  But what I do understand is that the future, while quite understated, is in fact, now.

After years of planning and worrying about our home study and worrying about all the things we might say or they might say.  All the places the dogs might lick….all the crazy thoughts that run through your head when you are worried about how you might be judged have come to pass.  And let me tell you, we were by definition, judged.

We were judged in this way:

  • I was judged as ‘efficient’
  • Jason was judged as ‘driven’ and having a ‘great story’
  • And in the end we were judged as ‘awesome’

No lie.  I will literally never forget hearing our case worker leaving our house saying.  “I’m looking forward to working with you.  You guys are awesome.”  I’m sure it was something she didn’t think twice about saying, but in my head I was thinking….”AWESOME?!?  I’m sorry did you say….AWESOME?!?!”  Guess what guys….she did!

We sat at our kitchen table and started by going through our paperwork.  There were a few things we were missing, which is to be expected during the first visit.  Next step she asked me questions about my upbringing, my family, my interests etc.  Then she did the same with Jason.  And the grand finale was…..the home inspection.

We started on the ground floor.  She turned on the water in the bathroom, flushed the toilet, tested the stove, the carbon monoxide detector. then we moved downstairs with much of the same.  The upstairs and again much of the same except for the child’s room.  Which was fine and where we got some more specifics on what we need prior to being licensed.  And guess what, we don’t need anything more!  She said she has’ no concerns about our house and once we get the remaining paperwork we will be licensed fast.

That being said, she did say that the chances of being matched with a child under 1 are low (which we could care less about – we are being licensed for 5 and under but still good to know).  She also told us that since we want to be exclusively matched with children who are most likely to need a permanent home our wait might be a little long.  Which, we need some more clarification on but also could care less about because God has the time picked out and I am happy to wait for it and them as long as needed.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (NIV)

I. CAN’T. WAIT.

First home visit is next week.  We have made great strides since the last post.  I now have bedding for the crib, I rolled up the extra cord on the blinds and cleaned what was once a creepy basement.  No no no no what was once a DIRTY basement.  By all means, it is still creepy.

This weekend.

  • Jason takes CPR
  • We put up cabinet safety things
  • We put up smoke detectors
  • We put up door knob thingys
  • Lauren sits at the BMV and gets Indiana License plates and registrations for both cars (required for the home study)
  • We fill out a BUNCH of paperwork
  • I collect copies of all of our bills
  • I dust
  • I vacuum
  • I mop
  • I make the garage seem less dangerous

Then Monday comes and we wait…..wait wait wait until 4pm next Thursday.  And you know what?  I. CAN’T. WAIT.